Do you ever feel unworthy of being loved, finding love, or even giving love? Do you find yourself looking in the mirror thinking, "Who would ever love me with thighs like these?" Or when you have a major crush on someone, you (for whatever reason) continuously tell yourself, “There’s no way someone like that would ever love someone like me.”
I'm here to *respectfully* tell you that you couldn't be more wrong. First off, would you ever talk to your friends like that? Would you let your friends talk to you like that? Would you let your friends talk to themselves like that? Absolutely not. So why would you let yourself talk to YOU like that?! (If you answered yes to any of those questions, I highly recommend finding different friends.)
Secondly... let's get real for a minute. You're not perfect. Realistically, yes, there will always be someone more beautiful than you… especially if you’re looking. There will ALWAYS be someone with brighter eyes, bigger boobs, tanner skin, a smaller waist, yada, yada, yada... but there is no one like YOU.
*Queue the grater because that was some serious CHEESE, but I meant every shred of sharp cheddar.
I don’t consider myself a jealous type. I’m relatively confident in who I am; but even I find myself occasionally falling victim to the idea that a guy wouldn’t want to be with me because the blonde on the other side of the restaurant has a “better body,” or bigger lips, or maybe she's funnier (doubt it). But then I think, so what? Even if she also has a killer personality, she’s not me. I’m not her. We’re not competing for anything. If a guy chooses to spend his time getting to know her over me, it’s not personal. There’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t need to change to be like her… because for every guy that would prefer to get to know her, there’s a guy who would prefer to get to know me.
Time to hop on this thought train quick; otherwise you’re going to end up spending more energy trying to be someone you were never meant to be, with someone you were never supposed to be with... miserable.
Have you heard that comparison is the thief of joy?
No matter what someone else thinks of you, remember what you bring to the table. (On that note, it's also really important to ask yourself, "Would I date me? Am I the type of person I would date?" If you’re not, you may need to spend more time with yourself before you start searching for your person.)
I look at myself in the mirror and (most days) I love what I see. I love who I am. I would ABSOLUTELY date me. For the type of man/partner I’m looking for, I know I’m the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. “You mean a self-sufficient, driven, emotionally aware, hilarious, authentic, intelligent, entrepreneurial, outgoing, dirt-biking, boat-driving, can-back-up-a-trailer, camping, cooks-like-an-Italian-
When I practice this exercise, I know I’m not asking for too much because I exist. Why can’t those things all be true of my future partner, too?
Your turn. Write down everything you’re looking for in a partner and everything you bring to the table. Do the lists match? What inconsistencies can be healed/worked on, and which need to be removed from one side (or both sides) of the list?
Now pep talk yourself with that list as much as you need to!! I’m being 100% serious. You may be thinking how conceited and self-absorbed that is, but why shouldn't you remind yourself of how awesome you are? If they're all things your most trusted family and friends would say about you, then you’re not conceited.
The key is that YOU need to be your own hype-woman. YOU need to believe that you are worthy of being loved and, more importantly, YOU need to feel loved by YOU. Those feelings cannot and should not depend on anyone else's opinion of you.
It's also important to check in every now and then. Do the lists still match? Are you still the person you hope to find? If yes, keep going boo boo. If no, what needs to be healed and/or shifted? It's okay for the lists to change as you continue to grow into your most loved, authentic self.