The MCREY Pit

Being the youngest of a family with a nurturing mother who works in insurance (so she worries about everything) and a father and older sister who took it upon themselves to plan and take care of everything, I slipped into the role as the “baby” of the family. Not that I was a spoiled brat or couldn’t do anything for myself, but most things were done for me by the people who loved taking care of things. Looking back, I am incredibly grateful for my family and the way they always took such diligent care of me; but, combined with my introverted-ness, I can see now how I missed opportunities to cultivate my own sense of independence and my own voice.

Every time I get an email or a phone call telling us "no" or explaining that something else went wrong, I can't help but think to myself: "Why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through this? I can literally just stop all this right now. I can stop spending this money and relieve myself of this stress." But then I think of how far we've come; how much we've accomplished in less than a year; and the possibilities of what we can—will—achieve if we keep going. 

I don’t consider myself a jealous type. I’m relatively confident in who I am; but even I find myself occasionally falling victim to the idea that a guy wouldn’t want to be with me because the blonde on the other side of the restaurant has a “better body,” or bigger lips, or maybe she's funnier (doubt it). But then I think, so what? Even if she also has a killer personality, she’s not me. I’m not her. We’re not competing for anything. If a guy chooses to spend his time getting to know her over me, it’s not personal. There’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t need to change to be like her… because for every guy that would prefer to get to know her, there’s a guy who would prefer to get to know me.

My timeline would have held my hand as it walked me down the aisle into a very toxic marriage, a big house in the suburbs too close to my neighbors, and an unfulfilling corporate career. You see, the problem with having a timeline is that it restricts your purview. This isn't to say you shouldn't have goals. You should absolutely have goals—very specific goals. Manifest the shit outta your goals until you build the life you've always dreamed of; just be flexible with when those goals can happen. 

This mundane cycle—it’s draining. The same day over and over again, spending way too much time in my room and on social media is depleting my motivation, energy, and creativity. Every night the past two weeks, I’d tell myself right before bed, “I’m going to do it differently tomorrow. I’ll go for a hike tomorrow. I’ll start reading again tomorrow. I’ll get out of bed early tomorrow.” Another day, another rationalization for why I should just start the next day.

The thing is, I wanted to change but didn't know how. I wasn't doing the inner work to make permanent changes on the outside. So instead of staying in the same cycle, waiting for the new year, I decided to start understanding the roots of my "problems". That journey opened opportunities for change that couldn't wait until NYE, so slowly but surely I found myself making small changes every day. Before I knew it, I had made some major changes.

It's no secret that Kelly is my absolute favorite person on the entire planet. The reasons are endless, but the moral of the story is that she's my best friend, sister, business partner, confidant, therapist, court jester; the ying to my yang, the peanut butter to my jelly, the avocado to my sourdough toast. I could brag about her all day.

When we first started this company, I think they were a little skeptical (honestly, I don't blame them). I imagine, "Is this another project? How far are they going to take this?" circled through their heads on a carousel every day. Nonetheless, they welcomed both Kelly and I home with open arms so we could live rent-free and focus our finances on MCREY. (Although I consider my rent to be listening to my Chief's stories every day, which is a pretty high price!)

To anyone who asks, we’re not ashamed to admit that we have the capacity to drive each other absolutely nuts. We have known each other since birth, okay? As Paige’s little sister, I know exactly where all of her buttons are and how to push them. We are also, as we’ve stated several times before, two very different individuals. Regardless of the imperfections that exist in our relationship, I can confirm that Paige and I are indeed best friends, stellar business partners, and loving sisters.

It sounds like I'm creating a dating profile—and honestly, that's not entirely false. Making friends as an adult is kind of like dating. Whenever I meet a new potential friend, I always laugh at the slight awkwardness of asking for another girl's number and then sending a "It was so nice meeting you! We should get drinks next week!!" text. You continue to go on casual little dates like hiking, happy hour, and getting your nails done to feel out each other's vibe.

If you’ve kept up with our YouTube videos, you’d know this past year has been a tough one for me. In January, it felt like I had lost everything—my relationship, my health, my job, my future career plans, a move away from somewhere I loved. I was completely lost, even if I didn’t want to admit it then. I was in a bad place for months and I couldn’t find my way back to myself. Honestly, I think subconsciously I didn’t want to go back to the person I was—someone who was scared, insecure, and uncertain. One day, I finally broke and realized I was sick of being that girl. I wanted so much more out of my life and out of myself. 

I'm honestly still in disbelief. I am now responsible for my own pay check, my own schedule, my priorities and my tasks. Can you say FREEDOM?! But you know what comes after my brain screams freedom for a few minutes? OMG. How are you going to pay the bills you effing psycho?!